Category: Villain Tips

Yes, the cape is important. The missing eye is the perfect reminder of your brutal past, and your starship is the bane of the galaxy. But there’s one thing that really makes (or breaks!) your image, and that’s your lair.
The perfect lair won’t fall into your lap. It requires a vision, careful planning, and exquisite maintenance.
This is where you house your army, where you retreat when the wretched hero finally listens to his mentor, and someday where you’ll wait triumphantly as your henchmen force that young upstart to his knees.
To start with, know what you want and what you need. Does a ruined castle make the most sense? Or a partially submerged cave system? The size of your entourage is an important factor; will you need an entire floating city or would a hut in a swamp suffice? Don’t be afraid to get creative! Your lair is a representation of your villainous status, and that will look different for everyone. If crushing towns in a giant, mobile robot is your thing, go for it; if you feel a special affinity for lava, a volcano might be the place for you!
Once you have an idea of your ideal lair, it’s time for the next step: construction. We here at Villain Tips believe we have perfected the lair construction strategy, although be aware that some find it swingeing and overly cautious (if that’s even possible? But that’s another Tip…). First, we strongly suggest you find a top-quality architect who is relatively young and in good health. Remove him (and his immediate family, if you deem it necessary) to your chosen location and have him begin work at once, even if you don’t feel ready for your lair phase yet. Have him work in complete secrecy and solitude, interacting only with such minions of yours that he may need for the actual erection of the lair. Don’t worry if this slightly deranges him over the years; often a non compos designer is a creative one, and you want all the dead ends and walkways over chasms you can get.
Take the time to get to know your lair! You should know how to operate traps and open hidden doors without looking, and it is imperative that you be able to move quickly to your emergency transportation (see Villain Tips: Escaping) from anywhere in the lair. We recommend doing at least one walk-through with the architect and the blueprint. This is also a good time to set up any entrances, traps, etc. that only you can control (whether by retina scan, the key that always hangs around your neck, or a loyal and animate statue). Other necessities include the Pet pit, treasure room, barracks (or equivalent) for your minions, and some personal rooms that should be very (very!) out of the way. (Trust us: once the useless friend starts going through your socks it’s all over for your reputation.)
Once you know your lair like your own backstory, kill the architect and destroy the blueprint. If he has children who have not yet left home, consider killing them also. It is vital that the construction of your lair remain completely secret from everyone until after you are firmly established. Remember, lairs don’t have Grand Openings, only grand closures!
One last warning: a common mistake is to build surplus secret entrances and exits. They’re useful, fun, and an easy way to show off your creativity, but too many make it more likely for the hero to find a back way in. Safety first…but absolutely add your villainous flair to your lair!

No problem, you’re thinking. They’re easy to threaten, yield basic information like which way the hero went, and can be dispatched by a few minions. Sure, you could stop there.
However, there’s more to them than that. As you may already know, an ‘innkeeper’ is a minor character, either friendly to the hero or neutral, who has a permanent dwelling place or refuge and does not travel with the hero. They have mostly separate goals from the hero and his group, although many are secretly sympathetic to the ‘good’ cause. They are important because of their assets, which vary widely. Sometimes they give the hero information, sometimes connect them with a source or give them a clue, sometimes give them a precious object . . . and sometimes just a place to stay (free, usually).
You’ve had dealings with this type, of course: most often when trailing the hero, but sometimes during one of those interesting chance meetings between the hero and your henchmen, when both sides were actually just getting a meal or a drink. You’ll have noticed that they tend to stay out of the way, not daring to take the hero’s side, but not willingly assisting you, either. Irritating, isn’t it?
You have two options.
First, you can get whatever immediate information you need from the innkeeper (namely, what they gave the hero and where the hero is going) in the usual way, then sufficiently threaten the innkeeper and burn their domicile. There are other ways of devastating them, of course, but burning is the traditional method, and for good reason. There’s nothing more threatening then the charred remains of everything they had. Plus, it forces them to change locations, making it harder for the hero to find them again and sending a strong warning to all involved.
(Note: When we say ‘sufficiently threaten’, we mean that you should be sure beyond a reasonable doubt that they will not help the hero again. You could always do a bit of maiming or killing, but we found that the best method is taking a family member hostage. It works like a charm.)
That was the usual method of dealing with innkeepers. For the second, we’d like to suggest something a little sneakier . . . something that will bring a smile to your face whenever you think about it. Think deceit.
Because innkeepers are much closer to being neutral than most characters on the hero’s side, they are more susceptible to being brought over to your side. Yes, it’s difficult. It requires a good balance of bribery and blackmail, but the results are worthwhile. We suggest you approach the innkeeper in a friendly manner at first, gradually building up bribes and threats, all the while making everything the hero’s fault. There are many good strategies for this: pretending you’re the hero’s friend and ‘revealing’ his ‘faults’, pretending to know the villain and pointing out that he’s really quite nice, promising power and wealth. . . we’ll leave it up to you. Seriously, you’ll be creating wonderful memories. When the hero returns for more help (or gets there for the first time, if you can manage it) he’ll find – hopefully in a most unpleasant manner – that he no longer has a supporter. Think of the tricks and traps you will set up with an innkeeper on your side! The information you’ll get from your new spy! The many heroic plans you’ll spoil! This is the perfect time for some creativity. Experiment, and have fun!

Every hero has one, and they’re almost exactly what they sound like. They basically exist to make the hero look better, be his confidant, push him (usually by getting into scrapes that the hero has to get them out of), and do odd jobs for the hero. The useless friend is also one of the hero’s weakest points. In contrast with his relationship with the love interest, the hero absolutely cannot do without his useless friend. You can bet your master plan that the hero will drop anything and everything to rescue his friend, which can be exceedingly useful at times. The wide scope of possibilities allows villains to select their preferred use . . . or two. Bait, of course, is an obvious choice, with negotiations a close second. Don’t overlook the useless friend’s own capabilities, though. He usually has something, however small, that makes him helpful, and since the hero often discusses his plans with him, the friend may yield some useful information. Now, here is the most important part of this tip: kill him. No matter what you want to use the useless friend for, make sure you leave yourself time and space to kill him. You won’t need to take the same precautions you’d have for the hero, but make it short and sweet. (Don’t worry, fun is acceptable.) It isn’t particularly important if there’s not much left of him once the job is done, but do make sure that you have a token that the hero will recognize. Present this to the hero any way you like – as a warning, with an apology, sneering cheerfully – and sit back to watch. Unlike with the love interest, where the death flings the hero into a powerful rage, the useless friend’s death will throw him into a stupor. He will blame himself, and he and his army will be incapacitated indefinitely. (Note: it may be difficult to convince the hero that his friend is actually dead. A risky option is to claim the useless one’s death while keeping him for bargaining, etc.) We leave it up to you to finish the hero once and for all. Enjoy!

No matter how hard you work or how big an army you raise, there will come a point when all is lost. Your army has forsaken you or been destroyed, your plans have been foiled, and only a few of your henchmen remain.
Impossibly, the situation is worse than it seems.
You are probably in a lair or fortress of your own, with the battle raging just outside. The most dangerous moment is yet to come. As soon as your defenses crumble, while the hero’s friends are dashing through your castle, slaying your minions, the hero’s mind will become focused on finding you.
You might be provoked enough to face him in hand-to-hand combat, but restrain yourself. That whippersnapper is skilled with a sword, you know, while you haven’t touched one in years.
So, run. Well, not literally. What we mean to say is that you should always, always have emergency transportation available (only for you, of course). This might be an escape pod, a beast that moves quickly or can fly, an underground train, a boat or submarine, or any other contraption that strikes your fancy.
(Note: You must either be able to direct your conveyance yourself or have a pilot constantly on duty.)
If you are especially short on time, you can lead the hero along by offering to fight him and pretending to retreat until you reach the room where your vehicle is kept. At the last moment, you can delay him with some tactic or with the help of your remaining henchmen in order to reach your emergency transportation and make good your escape.
We warn you, this Villain Tip can not be employed without careful planning and some expense. But trust us, it is well worth it be able to laugh sardonically no matter which way the battle goes.
As soon as you are sure that victory will not be yours – this time – you can hurry to escape in your emergency transportation to a safe place where you can come up with an even bigger plan . . . which will definitely include slaying the hero and his ridiculous followers.
Mwahahaha!

You’re feeling some stress. The hero and his army have walled you up in your fortress, partially defeated your forces, and possibly blocked your escape. Morale is low, and you’re worried – although you don’t show it, of course. There doesn’t seem to be an easy way out. You have already employed Villain Tips: Escaping, but if you have enough time, there is another option.
First, you need a select group of loyal minions. Use all your resources and send out this group; you may need to pretend to attempt a break-out. Once free, this group can travel rapidly and secretly to the hero’s hometown, where his love interest will likely be. (Even if this is not the case, her location should be easy to pinpoint.)
We can almost guarantee that the hero will not have provided any protection for her other than warning her to stay safely hidden. Capturing her should be easy for your trained guards.
In contrast to our usual advice, we don’t suggest you kill her immediately. If you do this, the hero will be overcome with rage and find enough power to win once and for all. You do not want the hero to reach this state. Instead, bring the love interest back to your fortress and use her as a bargaining device. Even if the best friend and the other leaders wish to stand firm, the hero will persuade them to back off and meet your wishes. You can then escape or plan another battle, depending on your position.
Happy bargaining!

We get it, it’s fun to toy with the hero, especially when you’ve maneuvered your army just right and taken advantage of his mistakes to capture him.
Enjoy yourself, but be careful. Whenever you’re not playing with the hero, keep him locked up securely. Keep his strength down, and most certainly don’t let his friends anywhere near him.
You can expect that he’ll play dirty. Most likely he’ll spit defiance at you when you visit him in his cell, and you can be sure that he’ll claim that his friends will rescue him. (Ideally, you’ll be able to say that you’ve captured them, too, but that’s another tip. . .)
When you’ve finally gotten bored of him, kill him.
Now, don’t try to be fancy here. Don’t travel anywhere, don’t have him fight your best guards or even your biggest dragon. And definitely don’t throw him into the pit with the human-eating monster. However impossible it seems, he will survive.
Our best advice to you is to kill him inside your fortress. In fact, don’t even take him out of his cell.
As for the actual execution – do it fast. We know it’s fun to torture him with a long, drawn-out ceremony, but the more time he has, the more likely he is to escape. Do something certain. Poisoned knives work well, if the poison works quickly. It’s safer to use a traditional sword or axe, though.
(Note: Don’t bring in an executioner from outside. Give the job to your most loyal guard, and even then, fill the nearest rooms and corridors with more guards. Better safe than sorry.)
Also, keep him chained. There is absolutely no reason to let him loose for his execution. Neither hands nor feet should be free. A gag would add a further measure of safety.
Finally, DO NOT GRANT ANY LAST WISHES.
We cannot stress this enough. No matter how harmless the request seems, it must be denied. Don’t get soft and sympathetic. Harden your heart for this.
This is your big moment, and you can’t let anything get in the way.

You’re focused. You’re powerful. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be a villain. Still, one thing threatens your power – something that shouldn’t be underestimated.
The hero.
You might be tempted to dismiss him and his puny group of friends, but beware: in the height of your power, when everything is finally going your way, he will strike.
When all seems lost for heroes, they like to attack you where you’re most vulnerable. Often, this will be your past. Maybe there is something shameful, or sad, or even something good that you’ve covered up as well as you can. Whatever it is, don’t bother trying to hide it from the hero.
You can be sure that he will discover it, one way or another. The only thing you can do is be prepared.
First off, make sure that your henchmen either already know about your past or don’t care. There’s nothing worse than having your army turn against you. Take especial care with your toady, who is most able to betray you.
Next, you might consider a trick we’ve found to be useful: patronize. Patronize the hero until he realizes that he is ridiculously young and now utterly defeated. (They’re always young.) Just be careful not to underestimate him.
When he comes out with your desperate past, giving you the option of reforming, try saying something like this:
“I see you’ve done your research. Well done, but not good enough. I think you’ll be interested to hear that. . .”
The more calm and composed you sound, the more frantic he’ll get.
It’s fun.
Finally, use his own plan on him. When he starts talking about the family that abandoned you, turn the tables and reveal parts of his past that even he doesn’t know. Quite possibly he will be so overcome by emotion that you will have time to employ some other Villain Tips.
Good luck!