A Plate of Cookies

This is ‘a moment of triumph’, part of a group of seven stories.

            Jake thrust his hands deeper into his pockets. It wasn’t yet winter, but the overcast sky threatened early snow. It had rained during the night, and shimmering puddles on the sidewalks reflected the gray world. Jake lifted a shoulder to rub his ear, keeping his hands curled in his pockets. He still had another block to go before he reached school. As he trudged along, the words of a sports commentator drifted faintly from a nearby restaurant.
‘After a rocky start, our team has gained the lead. Sometimes that moment of triumph only comes after the worst times.’
Jake smiled wryly as the commentary faded behind him. If only that were true! He figured he was due for some triumph any day now. The trouble wasn’t that he would have to stay after school to make up the cooking class he’d missed the previous evening for his sister’s birthday party. Nor was it that yesterday should have been his day to wash up, which meant that today he’d face piles of sticky dishes. It wasn’t even that his math teacher had an unfortunate habit of springing pop quizzes when Jake was least prepared. The real trouble. . .
            Jake froze. The real trouble was waiting for him at the street corner where he’d have to turn to get to school. He looked over his shoulder, hoping for a way out, but one of the boys straightened and pointed. There could be no escape this time. His stomach tightening, Jake started walking again, trying to look unconcerned. He didn’t know why Mason and his friends had chosen to pick on him, but nothing Jake did or didn’t do stopped their bullying.
“Heya, Jake the Loser!”
It wasn’t the most brilliant insult, but as good a start as any. Jake considered his strategies, deciding glumly that his best bet was to ignore the boys – although it would certainly be futile. He rounded the corner, uncomfortably aware of his proximity to the grinning bullies.
“Where ya goin’?” Mason asked, somehow making the question into a threat. Jake fixed his eyes on the school building and bit his lip. This wasn’t going to end well. One of the other two boys shoved him hard, and Jake went sprawling. At that moment, the bell rang, and the three boys ran off, jeering. Jake watched them go, both angry and relieved. It could have been worse, he knew. He glanced at his watch to see how late he was going to be and discovered that it was broken. It must have gotten cracked when he fell.

           Jake managed to avoid Mason until lunch, but when he reached the cafeteria, he spotted the three boys loitering by the entrance. Jake rapidly revised his plans and headed for the kitchens, wondering if he’d have time to do his cooking assignment as well as wash up. Then he saw the mountain of dishes waiting for him. Dismally, he tied on one of the big aprons and began to scrub. The class had made chocolate chip cookies, and several bowls were covered with hardened chocolate. Focused on the task, Jake started when a voice from behind him asked,
“Lot of work, huh?”
It was Mason and his friends. Jake tensed.
“Um. . . yeah.”
He didn’t know what Mason wanted, but obviously, ignoring him wouldn’t work.
“Yeah,” Mason repeated. “So, do you want help?” His voice was almost friendly. Was it possible that the months of bullying had come to an end at last? Jake cautiously allowed himself to hope.
“Sure,” he said gratefully. “That’d be great.”
Mason looked at his friends, and all three of them burst out laughing.
“I can’t believe you fell for that!” Mason wheezed. He put his face close to Jake’s and whispered,
“Nope!” The three boys walked out, snickering. Jake closed his eyes and sighed dispiritedly. The day was just getting worse. By the time Jake had finished washing all the dishes, his hands were wrinkled and sore. He glanced at his watch, surprised that it was still so early. Then, with an awful sinking feeling, he remembered that the watch was broken. Math class. Jake dashed out of the kitchen and tore desperately through the hallways, skidding to a stop in the doorway of his classroom. The teacher looked up, frowning.
“The pop quiz is almost over. Please take your seat immediately.”
Swallowing hard, Jake hurriedly sat down and searched for a pencil. As he struggled to control his breathing, whispers grew around him.
“Look at Jake!”
“Why’s he wearing an apron?”
Glancing down, Jake realized that he had forgotten to take off the big apron. The three bullies smirked and pointed, and several students turned to look at him. Jake felt his face go bright red, and he hastily pulled off the apron and balled it up under his desk.
“Five minutes remaining,” the teacher announced, and the class fell silent. Jake shuffled through the test, his heart sinking. There was no way he’d finish it in time. Trepidly, he hunted for quick or easy problems, but he was too flustered to solve more than two. As the last few seconds ticked away, Jake despaired of ever being finished with this horrible day.

            When his classes were over, Jake headed back to the kitchens, flipping despondently through the extra math homework he’d been given.
“Want some company?” The sneer brought Jake up short. He’d walked straight into the middle of the three boys, who had been lounging in the hallway outside the kitchens, waiting for him.
“What do you want?” Jake asked, keeping his voice as level as he could. “I don’t have anything.”
Mason grinned leisurely.
“Let’s start with that watch.”
Jake blinked slowly and pulled the watch off. Suddenly, he tossed it to Mason and dove for the kitchens. He wedged the doors with a table and stood panting, closing his ears to the threats they yelled at him. If he could stay there long enough, they might leave. He made the cookie dough, mixed in the chocolate chips, and slid a tray into the oven, keeping a careful eye on the baking cookies. The banging and shouting had stopped by the time they were ready. He transferred the cookies to a plate, dreading the moment when he’d have to face the bullies. When he had moved away the table, he hesitated for a long moment before gathering up the courage to crack open the doors. Mason and his friends were gone. Slumping with relief, Jake grabbed the plate of cookies and hurried out of the school. Outside, it was dark, with a watery scent to the sharp night air. The varied buildings loomed silently, flickering with shadows thrown by glowing lampposts. All at once, Jake was exhausted. He could barely convince his feet to move as he plodded miserably home. The bullying was getting worse; he’d never felt this low before.
Then, from a house with light beaming from a single window, he heard music – wonderful music. It had rhythms tumbling over one another, laughing joyously, separate but melded. Gradually, Jake realized that he was walking in time with the music, his feet light. A smile spread across his face, and he began to walk with more spring in his step, then to almost dance down the street, shedding his fear and exhaustion like soggy boots. He was happy for the first time that day, and he ran crazily down the street, the music still alive in his head. Ahead, skulking under a lamppost, he saw the three bullies, but he bounded up to them without a pause and wordlessly offered them the cookies. Pushing away the plate, the three boys looked at him menacingly.
“Aren’t ya scared to be out here. . . all alone?” Mason asked, nudging one of his friends.
“Yeah. Aren’t ya worried something might happen to you?” the friend added meaningly. At any other time, Jake would have been on the verge of flight, but even Mason couldn’t bother him now. He didn’t bother to respond, but began to laugh, and kept laughing while the three boys looked at each other nervously, their bravado changing to uneasiness, and finally scurried off into the night. Still laughing, Jake walked home in the cool night, the wonderful music playing in his head and a plate of cookies in his hand.

The Useless Friend

Every hero has one, and they’re almost exactly what they sound like. They basically exist to make the hero look better, be his confidant, push him (usually by getting into scrapes that the hero has to get them out of), and do odd jobs for the hero. The useless friend is also one of the hero’s weakest points. In contrast with his relationship with the love interest, the hero absolutely cannot do without his useless friend. You can bet your master plan that the hero will drop anything and everything to rescue his friend, which can be exceedingly useful at times. The wide scope of possibilities allows villains to select their preferred use . . . or two. Bait, of course, is an obvious choice, with negotiations a close second. Don’t overlook the useless friend’s own capabilities, though. He usually has something, however small, that makes him helpful, and since the hero often discusses his plans with him, the friend may yield some useful information. Now, here is the most important part of this tip: kill him. No matter what you want to use the useless friend for, make sure you leave yourself time and space to kill him. You won’t need to take the same precautions you’d have for the hero, but make it short and sweet. (Don’t worry, fun is acceptable.) It isn’t particularly important if there’s not much left of him once the job is done, but do make sure that you have a token that the hero will recognize. Present this to the hero any way you like – as a warning, with an apology, sneering cheerfully – and sit back to watch. Unlike with the love interest, where the death flings the hero into a powerful rage, the useless friend’s death will throw him into a stupor. He will blame himself, and he and his army will be incapacitated indefinitely. (Note: it may be difficult to convince the hero that his friend is actually dead. A risky option is to claim the useless one’s death while keeping him for bargaining, etc.) We leave it up to you to finish the hero once and for all. Enjoy!

Return of the Thief – Megan Whalen Turner

Megan Whalen Turner’s first book, The Thief, was brilliant, and the rest of her series, while somewhat different, was equally tantalizing. The character development and plot twists were humorous and awe-inspiring, and the sense of anticipation rose steadily as we awaited her final book, Return of the Thief.
We expected a lot.
We didn’t get it.

The plot has always been Turner’s strong point, but it seems she was a little out of her depth for the necessarily most plot-based book in the series. The plot twists she is so well known for were in this case not as big as we would have liked and sometimes difficult to follow. The climaxes were awkwardly spaced, with several random ones thrown in too close to major climaxes and not supporting them. We award a half star.
The characters, another area of expertise for Turner, were disappointing. Although Turner had previously suggested that her final book would be from Gen’s perspective, this was not the case, and the introduction of Pheris, the new main character, was in our opinion a mistake, although he was believable. There was little or no development of the other main characters, with the exception of Gen, who seemed to have abruptly changed not only his goals but his empathetic and compassionate nature, apparently partially becoming the god Eugenides, with much of the power and none of the mercy. He came close to losing the endearing faults we love, and his lust for revenge was distressing. We award a half star.
The worldbuilding was consistent with Turner’s usual Greek-based style, with no contradictions, but it was confusing in that many places were added without warning in unnecessary scenes dealing with strategy. We award a full star.
The pace was good, with a tasteful balance of dialogue, description, and action, reminding us of Turner’s first book. We award a full star.
The dialogue was nearly as good as usual, but had less importance than in other books, and was not so witty as we might like. We award a full star.
The beginning was disappointing, without mention of old characters or even scenes in which we could begin to care about the new character. It was not immediately obvious that the book began somewhat before the ending of the previous novel, Thick as Thieves. The ending did not grant us hope or relief, instead leaving us wondering at the main characters’ cheerfulness after the deaths of so many of their friends and relatives (their reason for joy seemed contrived as well). Refusing us the satisfying gleefulness we’d come to expect, the book finished in a flourish of sentimental wordiness. There was also a large time skip, obviously necessary, but unwieldy in the final chapters. We award no star.
We were afforded a few moments of interest and pleasure, due to Turner’s inherent skill, but we would not read the book again. Turner’s usual editing was not apparent, and the overall bad writing frankly appalled us. Old problems that had been satisfyingly (and lightly, and interestingly) resolved were dredged up and examined again, now stale and rotting. We award no star.
One of the worst parts of the book was some quite obvious immorality, largely shown in one scene, that was not-so-subtly condoned in several randomly inserted sentences that neither furthered the plot nor came to fruition. There were also several mild insinuations. However, there was comparatively little vulgar humor and bad language. We award a half star.
While this book was memorable in parts, it was not at all consistent with the rest of the series, truth did not play a part in it, and the depth was, ironically, superficial. Additionally, the tone of the book was dark and depressing. We award no star.
There was no mention of spiders in the book. (Admittedly, this is not of the highest importance when judging good writing, but. . . we are spiders, after all.) We award no star.
There were some interesting moments of tension, especially where a major character gave an aside in a breathless pause, and the elephants were enjoyable, but the book was mostly dark, and the comic relief forced. We award a half star.

In conclusion, Megan Whalen Turner’s Return of the Thief earned 4½ + ½ stars, putting it in the ‘Terrific’ category.
-𝒜𝓇𝒶𝓃𝑒𝒶

Escaping

No matter how hard you work or how big an army you raise, there will come a point when all is lost. Your army has forsaken you or been destroyed, your plans have been foiled, and only a few of your henchmen remain.
Impossibly, the situation is worse than it seems.
You are probably in a lair or fortress of your own, with the battle raging just outside. The most dangerous moment is yet to come. As soon as your defenses crumble, while the hero’s friends are dashing through your castle, slaying your minions, the hero’s mind will become focused on finding you.
You might be provoked enough to face him in hand-to-hand combat, but restrain yourself. That whippersnapper is skilled with a sword, you know, while you haven’t touched one in years.
So, run. Well, not literally. What we mean to say is that you should always, always have emergency transportation available (only for you, of course). This might be an escape pod, a beast that moves quickly or can fly, an underground train, a boat or submarine, or any other contraption that strikes your fancy.
(Note: You must either be able to direct your conveyance yourself or have a pilot constantly on duty.)
If you are especially short on time, you can lead the hero along by offering to fight him and pretending to retreat until you reach the room where your vehicle is kept. At the last moment, you can delay him with some tactic or with the help of your remaining henchmen in order to reach your emergency transportation and make good your escape.
We warn you, this Villain Tip can not be employed without careful planning and some expense. But trust us, it is well worth it be able to laugh sardonically no matter which way the battle goes.
As soon as you are sure that victory will not be yours – this time – you can hurry to escape in your emergency transportation to a safe place where you can come up with an even bigger plan . . . which will definitely include slaying the hero and his ridiculous followers.
Mwahahaha!

Using the Love Interest

You’re feeling some stress. The hero and his army have walled you up in your fortress, partially defeated your forces, and possibly blocked your escape. Morale is low, and you’re worried – although you don’t show it, of course. There doesn’t seem to be an easy way out. You have already employed Villain Tips: Escaping, but if you have enough time, there is another option.
First, you need a select group of loyal minions. Use all your resources and send out this group; you may need to pretend to attempt a break-out. Once free, this group can travel rapidly and secretly to the hero’s hometown, where his love interest will likely be. (Even if this is not the case, her location should be easy to pinpoint.)
We can almost guarantee that the hero will not have provided any protection for her other than warning her to stay safely hidden. Capturing her should be easy for your trained guards.
In contrast to our usual advice, we don’t suggest you kill her immediately. If you do this, the hero will be overcome with rage and find enough power to win once and for all. You do not want the hero to reach this state. Instead, bring the love interest back to your fortress and use her as a bargaining device. Even if the best friend and the other leaders wish to stand firm, the hero will persuade them to back off and meet your wishes. You can then escape or plan another battle, depending on your position.
Happy bargaining!

Time to Kill

We get it, it’s fun to toy with the hero, especially when you’ve maneuvered your army just right and taken advantage of his mistakes to capture him.
Enjoy yourself, but be careful. Whenever you’re not playing with the hero, keep him locked up securely. Keep his strength down, and most certainly don’t let his friends anywhere near him.
You can expect that he’ll play dirty. Most likely he’ll spit defiance at you when you visit him in his cell, and you can be sure that he’ll claim that his friends will rescue him. (Ideally, you’ll be able to say that you’ve captured them, too, but that’s another tip. . .)
When you’ve finally gotten bored of him, kill him.
Now, don’t try to be fancy here. Don’t travel anywhere, don’t have him fight your best guards or even your biggest dragon. And definitely don’t throw him into the pit with the human-eating monster. However impossible it seems, he will survive.
Our best advice to you is to kill him inside your fortress. In fact, don’t even take him out of his cell.
As for the actual execution – do it fast. We know it’s fun to torture him with a long, drawn-out ceremony, but the more time he has, the more likely he is to escape. Do something certain. Poisoned knives work well, if the poison works quickly. It’s safer to use a traditional sword or axe, though.
(Note: Don’t bring in an executioner from outside. Give the job to your most loyal guard, and even then, fill the nearest rooms and corridors with more guards. Better safe than sorry.)
Also, keep him chained. There is absolutely no reason to let him loose for his execution. Neither hands nor feet should be free. A gag would add a further measure of safety.
Finally, DO NOT GRANT ANY LAST WISHES.
We cannot stress this enough. No matter how harmless the request seems, it must be denied. Don’t get soft and sympathetic. Harden your heart for this.
This is your big moment, and you can’t let anything get in the way.

Knowing Your Hero

You’re focused. You’re powerful. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be a villain. Still, one thing threatens your power – something that shouldn’t be underestimated.
The hero.
You might be tempted to dismiss him and his puny group of friends, but beware: in the height of your power, when everything is finally going your way, he will strike.
When all seems lost for heroes, they like to attack you where you’re most vulnerable. Often, this will be your past. Maybe there is something shameful, or sad, or even something good that you’ve covered up as well as you can. Whatever it is, don’t bother trying to hide it from the hero.
You can be sure that he will discover it, one way or another. The only thing you can do is be prepared.
First off, make sure that your henchmen either already know about your past or don’t care. There’s nothing worse than having your army turn against you. Take especial care with your toady, who is most able to betray you.
Next, you might consider a trick we’ve found to be useful: patronize. Patronize the hero until he realizes that he is ridiculously young and now utterly defeated. (They’re always young.) Just be careful not to underestimate him.
When he comes out with your desperate past, giving you the option of reforming, try saying something like this:
“I see you’ve done your research. Well done, but not good enough. I think you’ll be interested to hear that. . .”
The more calm and composed you sound, the more frantic he’ll get.
It’s fun.
Finally, use his own plan on him. When he starts talking about the family that abandoned you, turn the tables and reveal parts of his past that even he doesn’t know. Quite possibly he will be so overcome by emotion that you will have time to employ some other Villain Tips.
Good luck!

Spiders Review – How it Works

Greetings and salutations!
In ‘Spiders Review’, spiders Eebie, Aranea, and Tem review fictional works – mostly fantasy – with a 10-star scale. A book can receive no stars, a half-star, a full star, or, occasionally, a red star, for each category.

Categories:
Plot is decided based on believability, interest and tension, originality, plot twists, and climaxes.
Characters is decided based on relatability, interest and tension, originality, distinct goals, backstories, and satisfaction (whether or not the character fills his role).
Worldbuilding is decided based on consistency, feel, inhabitants, interest, originality, customs, language, and details.
Pace refers to the rate at which the plot moves, including too much or too little dialogue, description, or action.
Dialogue is decided based on consistency, interest and tension, reflected character, and mood or feel.
Beginning and Ending is decided based on originality, the hook, character and world introductions and closures, interest, and satisfaction (whether or not the ending was ‘perfect’).
Pleasure refers to the common feeling that one ‘cannot put the book down’, as well as to good writing and enjoyment. This is decided based on whether or not one would wish to read the book again many times.
Wholesome is decided based on whether or not the book is free from vulgar humor, coarse references, bad language, and blatant immoralities. (Instances where this behavior is not condoned are taken into consideration.)
Message refers to the underlying intent of the book. How memorable it is, truth, consistency, and depth are factors in the decision.
Spiders is awarded if the book contains any mention of a spider or spiders. A half-star can be won by the mention of spider webs or by the use of spiders in metaphors, similes, etc.
Humor can also be awarded if applicable.

The reviewing spider discusses each category briefly, giving reasons for each star and half-star. If the book does exceptionally well in a category, it may be awarded a red star in place of a full star.
At the end of each review, the conclusion will be given in numerical format, e.g., ‘6½+1’, meaning that the total number of full stars and half-stars was 6½, with a full star for the optional Humor category. Red stars act as full stars in the conclusion.

Finally, the book is given an overall rating based on the number of stars.
For books with ≤ 2 stars, the rating is ‘Some Book’.
For books with 2½ – 5 stars, the rating is ‘Terrific’.
For books with 5½ – 8 stars, the rating is ‘Radiant’.
For books with 8½ – 10 stars, the rating is ‘Humble’.
If a book receives 11 stars or 10 with one or more red stars, the special ‘Web’ rating is given.

Happy reading!
-𝐸𝑒𝒷𝒾𝑒, 𝒜𝓇𝒶𝓃𝑒𝒶, and 𝒯𝑒𝓂

Lost in Translation

This short story is based on a plot and title by Daniel Stein. The format of the climax is also his idea.

     I pace the long hallway, wondering what’s taking Gio so long. It’s his first real assignment from Thoughtful Translating, Unlimited, but it’s just a communication between the director and an Italian ambassador.
     Hopefully he didn’t get excited and ruin it. He’s prone to doing that. I have to admit, though, I’m excited about my first assignment, too. It’s scheduled for next week; I’ll be translating for a Hungarian representative. I’m nervous, but like everyone at Thoughtful Translating, Unlimited, helping other people communicate is what I love.
     Besides being exposed to an astonishing number of languages, the best part of my internship here is being surrounded by a wide range of people enthusiastic about the same things that I am.
     A door opens and Gio strides out, closing it quickly behind him.
Caspita!
I take a closer look at him. His face is unusually pale under his dark, spiky hair.
Va tutto bene con te?” I ask, carefully forming the Italian words. I’ve picked up several phrases since we became best friends.
Non proprio.” It takes me a second to place the second word. Not really. I pat his shoulder sympathetically.
“What happened? Did you language drop?” It’s meant to cheer him up; I know that he wouldn’t accidentally switch languages.
He shakes his head, unsmiling.
“Worse.”
He starts walking down the hallway.
I hurry to catch him up.
Erzähl mir davon,” I say, knowing he doesn’t understand German. “Tell me what happened.”
“Not here. Let’s go to my room.”
He leads the way up a flight of stairs and unlocks his door, gesturing for me to enter first. It’s a good-sized door, but I duck just in case. When you’re my height, you soon learn that some doorframes have the bad habit of smashing people in the forehead.
“You’re not that tall,” Gio mocks without his usual humor.
I’m about to joke about his low stature when he sighs and sits abruptly on a chair.
“You’re not going to believe this, Paul.”
I sit down, frowning in concern.
“Try me.”
He jabs a hand through his hair, impossibly orienting it in several new directions.
“The Italian ambassador was. . . nice. Gentile. He knew some of my mother’s relatives. And he wanted only peace. I think quello cattivo knew that, but he didn’t even try to be diplomatic. He said everything very rudely, and I could see that the Italian ambassador was getting angry, although he tried not to show it.”
He pauses, and I put in doubtfully,
“Perhaps the director understood some hidden meaning that you missed.”
“Perhaps. But I don’t think so. Paul, he told me to lie to the ambassador. He told me to translate to the ambassador ‘Italy is getting nowhere with its stubborn pride. This meeting is over.’ Then he told me to say to him, not as a translator but as Italian to Italian, that it would be better for Italy to comply with Thoughtful Translating’s demands. I refused. I do not lie for anything or anyone.”
His fists are clenched, and he looks ready to charge out the door and confront the director. I ease my chair to the left to block the door.
Gio glances at me wryly.
“I know what you’re doing. Don’t worry, I won’t go tearing off and accuse the director of anything.”
Before I can relax, Gio stands up and begins stalking around the room, hands clasped behind him.
“I do want to get to the bottom of this, though. I can’t understand why he wanted me to lie. I’m all right with translating whatever he says, but that was going too far. The man wants something, and he’s trying to use me to get it. We have to do something.” He swings toward me.
“You believe me, right?”
“Of course, mein Freund.” I reply simply. “What is the first step?”
Before he can answer, someone taps on the door.
Gio raises his eyebrows, his mouth still open to answer me.
I stand up and open the door. Sadie, an Irish girl with an auburn ponytail, smiles up at me.
Haigh, Paul,” she says. “Is your friend in here? I have a message for him.”
Gio ducks under my arm to face her.
“A message for me?”
His eyebrows draw together in bewilderment, and she giggles.
Sea. Is that so surprising?”
He flushes.
“What’s the message?”
I elbow him gently.
Siate educato.
He flicks a glance at me.
“‘Sii’ educato. The singular. This may be important.”
Chastened, I step aside.
Sadie recites in a gruff voice,
“‘For Giovanni Marsico: The director wants to speak with you. Present yourself at his office by five o’clock.  – Director, Thoughtful Translating, Unlimited.’”
She laughs again.
“That’s just how he said it. He didn’t seem very happy.”
Gio slams his fist into the palm of his hand.
“This is all part of it! He’s got a hidden agenda; I didn’t fit in with it, so he’s trying again. I’ll expose him!”
“Don’t be too hasty,” I say uneasily. He glares at me wildly.
“You said you believed me.”
“I believe that he asked you to lie, but we don’t know that he has some other plan. It may have been a test, or …” I can’t think of another reason.
Sadie looks from one to the other of us.
“The director asked you to lie, Giovanni?”
Gio affirms it distractedly. Sadie hesitates.
Éist. Can I trust you?”
I draw back in alarm, but Gio eagerly nods.
“You are not the first to be asked to do something other than pure translating. There are more of us. We-”
A clock begins to strike five.
We all jump, and Gio fumbles in his pocket to toss his room key to me.
“Don’t worry, mia nuova alleata. I won’t give you away.”
Sadie nods, and he dashes off. I shout after him,
“We’ll meet you outside the office!”
He raises a hand in acknowledgement and skids around a corner.
I lock his door and hide the key in the usual place, muttering to myself.
Ist es so wichtig dass du aus dem Rahmen fallen?
Deep down, though, I know that I don’t want him to change.
Sadie takes my arm.
“I’ll introduce you to anyone you haven’t met yet. We should have at least half an hour.”
We walk outside into the blooming garden where diplomats and translators stroll. I see the Italian ambassador sitting alone, and wave to him.
Salve, signore!
Ah, parli italiano?” he replies, beaming. I shake my head.
Solo un po.
He smiles ruefully, and Sadie and I walk on.
A pretty Chinese girl whom I’ve seen before but never met stands up when we approach.
Sadie hugs her.
“This is Lanying. Lanying, Paul.”
We shake hands.
“What languages do you speak?” I ask politely.
“Mandarin, Vietnamese, and …” she gropes for the right words. “And Chinese sign language. And you?”
She speaks with a strong accent. Obviously, she’s not completely fluent in English.
“I speak German and Hungarian. No more than a few words of everything else.”
“Except English.” Lanying smiles brightly and signs to Sadie, who explains.
“Lanying had to learn English when she came here. She didn’t speak it before that.”
Beeindruckend!” I say. English is the official company language and the only language the director speaks. It can’t have been easy to learn it in only a few months.
“Sadie helped me,” Lanying adds.
“And Lanying helped me with Chinese sign language. Is cairde maithe muid anois.
     Sadie and Lanying introduce me to several other translators in their group. Others I already know. At half past five, the three of us head over to the director’s office to wait. Six o’clock strikes, and Gio still hasn’t made an appearance. I start to say something about checking his room, when the office door opens and the director himself comes out. Seeing us waiting, he barks,
“What do you want?”
“We are waiting for our gcara, stiúrthóir,” Sadie says boldly.
He glares at her suspiciously.
“What did you say? Speak English.”
“Our friend Giovanni Marsico was to meet us here half an hour ago,” I interject politely.
“He did not tell me,” the director growls under his breath. He reenters the office for a moment before stomping back out. A few seconds later, Gio steps out. His jaw clenched, he sweeps past us and turns a corner into a deserted corridor. We follow him uncertainly.
Ĉio estas en ordo, mia amiko?” I ask awkwardly. Gio’s always trying to get me to learn Esperanto, his third language. I think it’s foolishness, but under the circumstances. . .
“For me. I’m fine. But that farabutto, that furfante, that scimmia maleducata …”
发生了什么? Chuyện gì đã xảy ra?!” Lanying language drops in her excitement, but we all understand.
“That suino threatened to fire me. He blabbered on with some pretesto, non so che cosa.”
“You didn’t accuse him of anything, did you?” I ask anxiously.
“I tried. They didn’t let me talk. It was all minacoj, minacoj.” He puts a hand to his throat and pulls it away smeared with blood. Lanying stifles a scream.
“Gio! They hurt you? Es muss etwas getan warden.” An unfamiliar gust of anger sweeps over me.
“It is only a scratch. But I will take revenge.”
He lowers his head as if to spring off immediately. Sadie stops him.
“Wait! We can’t go accusing the director without a plan. This is more serious than any of us thought. Some of us have been planning to rebel, even if we get fired, but now that we know he’s willing to use violence, we must be careful.”
“We must find out what he wants,” Lanying adds.
“I know what he wants, the malpura rato,” Gio says grimly.
“Not here,” I say. We’re too close to the director’s office for comfort. Once I lock my door behind us, Gio continues where he left off.
“He’s avida. He wants power. He wants to be able to manipulate whole countries, and the only way he can do that is by manipulating us. If he can control us enough to get us to lie for him, he can do almost anything. Promise things that aren’t his, relay false threats of war, bribe or even blackmail any country that doesn’t do what he wants. And since we are just translators, he will never be blamed for it. Wronged countries will attack the country they believe hurt them.”
“What can we do?” Sadie asks helplessly.
A mali estremi, estremi rimedi.” Gio sounds almost gleeful.
“Gio. . .” I say warningly.
“Now I see what he was doing with the Italian ambassador. He was showing off his strength, his power in comparison with a mere country. He will not ask me to lie again.”
He’s getting excited, and for once I can’t blame him. I turn to Sadie for help.
“We shouldn’t do anything tonight. Tomorrow nearly everyone is going to be in the reception room because the Russian ambassadors are deciding whether or not to use Thoughtful Translating to communicate with the world. Maybe we can figure something out then. Tá súil agam.”
“No,” Lanying disagrees. “It is too dangerous. Someone would give us away.”
“But I could go to the Russian ambassadors and tell them,” Gio suggests hopefully.
Nein. Semmiképpen.” I language drop in my dismay. “Far too dangerous.”
“And do you speak Russian?” Sadie interjects.
“Well, no, but. . .”
“We would have to get someone else to translate, and the whole thing would be conspicuous. We must wait tamall beag. Also, Giovanni, I think it would be better if you did not go. The director will be watching you now.”
Kio?!
Before we can make any further attempts to convince him, a bell rings for lights out. The four of us look at each other; I leap to unlock the door and the three of them hurry away.
    Later, after quiet has reigned for several hours, I realize that if the Russian ambassadors choose to use Thoughtful Translating, Unlimited, the director will almost certainly begin to manipulate them as well. My first instinct is to warn them as Gio suggested, but now that the director has demonstrated his willingness to use violence, I feel sure that anyone who attempts to warn the Russians will receive the full measure of his wrath. Perhaps gathering us all together is as much a show of power to us as to the Russians.
   Early the next morning, I head over to Gio’s room to convince him not to come meet the Russian ambassadors. It is allegedly a mandatory gathering, but I do not think Gio would meet with any repercussions for not coming. Rounding a corner, I nearly bump into him. Two burly men flank him; they grunt in surprise.
“Gio? Was. . .”
Ciao, Paul. I don’t think I’ll be coming to the gathering today.” His voice is calm and sure, and he holds his head high as the two men march him away. I close my eyes for a moment. I’m sure the director won’t have Gio killed. He knows that there would be a ruckus, which would expose him. And now I know that Gio won’t become excited and get himself into trouble. Much as I want to rally the other translators and stage a rescue, I continue on to the dining hall.
Under cover of chinking forks, I tell Sadie and Lanying what happened.
“It’s actually better,” Sadie says matter-of-factly. “Aon chion. We know he’s safe and out of trouble.” She sounds as though she’s known him for a long time.
Lanying isn’t so sure.
“Can we. . . can we. . .帮助他, 你知道.” she signs to Sadie.
“Help him somehow. Maybe we can break him out,” Sadie translates. “I don’t think so, Lanying. Maybe after the gathering is over we can get some of the others to help, but for now we can’t do anything. Tá brón orm.”
The three of us stare at our plates.
Someone touches my shoulder; I look up to see the Italian ambassador.
Non sono stato in grado di trovare Giovanni Marsico. Se possible. . .?
He stops when he notices that I didn’t understand.
Ah, scusa, ho dimenticato. Francese? Français?
I look at Sadie and Lanying, but they shake their heads. None of us speaks French.
Someone at the table next to ours turns around.
Je parle français.
The Italian ambassador looks relieved. He speaks haltingly in French and our interpreter translates.
“I could not find the translator Giovanni Marsico. I would appreciate it if you would convey my thanks for his skills yesterday. It was a pleasure to speak with a fellow countryman.”
“Yes. Yes, of course,” I say, carefully not looking at Lanying and Sadie. “I’m happy to.”
When the French speaker has translated, the ambassador smiles gravely.
Grazie.” He slips off into the crowd. Sadie thanks our spontaneous translator, who shrugs and smiles before turning back to his food.
The bell calling us to meet rings. The laughter and conversation die into whispers and shuffling feet as everyone straggles into the reception room.
The Russian ambassadors are already waiting. The director gestures impatiently for us to move faster, putting on an oily smile for the Russians’ benefit.
“Does anyone here speak Russian?” the director shouts, trying to mask his annoyance in a pleasant tone.
“Sofia does,” someone calls. “But she doesn’t speak English well.”
The director scowls furiously at the speaker.
“Figure something out. I want to be able to speak to the ambassadors.”
He waits crossly until two people come forward.
“Greetings, gentlemen,” he begins, tapping his foot while Sofia and the other girl translate. “It is with great pleasure that we welcome you to Thoughtful Translating, Unlimited. We have a great number of talented translators here, as you can see.”
One of the Russians says something skeptically with a laugh.
The second girl hesitates before translating.
“It does not appear so, since you cannot speak even with each other.”
The director’s face flushes a dark red, but he inclines his head.
“Perhaps we can provide a demonstration.”
The Russians shrug politely.
I’m torn between excitement about translating and hoping for the Russians’ sakes that they don’t choose to use this company.
“Perhaps you have heard of the telephone game,” the director says, smiling coldly. “We will attempt to entertain ourselves with it. . . switching languages from person to person.”
My fellow translators are already forming a line. I see Sadie and Lanying standing next to each other. Someone taps my shoulder.
Hablas Español?
I shake my head.
Deutsch?” asks someone else.
Ja. Und Ungarisch.
In less time than I would have thought possible, the Thoughtful Translating translators are standing in a long line from the director to the Russian ambassadors. I’m close to the end where the Russians are watching with interest. At the other end, the director clears his throat, an inscrutable smile spreading over his face.
“We are the Thoughtful Translating translators, the best in the world.”
Kami adalah penerjemah ‘Penerjemahan Bijaksana’, terbaik di dunia.
“نحن “المترجمون المدروسون” ، الأفضل في العالم.”The sentence flows from mouth to mouth, smoothly morphing into the various languages. Of course, it probably helps that nearly all of us understood the original sentence, but still, we’re impressive.
Somos los traductores de ‘Traducción reflexiva’, le mentimos al mundo.
There is a slight pause, then the next person translates into French.
Nous sommes les traducteurs de ‘Traduction Réfléchie’, nous mentons au monde.
The sentence has reached the middle of the line.
Is muid na haistritheoirí ‘Thoughtful Translating’, luíonn muid leis an domhan.
Sadie translates this into Chinese sign language, and Lanying turns it to Vietnamese.
Chúng tôi không phải là dịch giả thực sự, chúng tôi nói dối với thế giới.
Não somos verdadeiros tradutores, mentimos para o mundo.
“ہم سچے مترجم نہیں ہیں ، ہم دنیا سے جھوٹ بولتے ہیں”
Ingawa hatujakuwa wakalimani wa kweli, hatutasema uwongo kwa ulimwengu.
I sense a feeling of growing tension and excitement that I don’t understand.
Chociaż nie byliśmy prawdziwymi tłumaczami, nie będziemy okłamywać świata.
Bár nem voltunk igaz fordítók, nem fogunk hazudni a világnak.”
I keep my face straight with effort. The sentence that the director initiated has changed into something far better. For you, Gio, I think before translating.
Obwohl wir keine echten Übersetzer waren, werden wir Sie nicht anlügen.
“यद्यपि हम सच्चे अनुवादक नहीं थे, फिर भी हम आपसे झूठ नहीं बोलेंगे.”
Finally, Sofia translates into Russian.
“Хотя мы не были настоящими переводчиками, мы не будем лгать вам.”.
One of the Russians starts slightly and glances at the others. A faint smile on his lips, he turns to the director and says through Sofia,
“You do indeed have wonderful translators. We would be delighted to hire your company. . . perhaps with different management.”
A cheer goes up.
The director splutters.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I said nothing about-”
Così triste.” Gio walks in, trailed by Sadie and Lanying. “It seems that something got lost in translation.”

The Fighters

   She stopped in the middle of the busy sidewalk and stared. Two men in their twenties or thirties were wrestling – no, outright fighting – on a large cement block at the edge of the sidewalk. They gasped and gave hoarse cries, clenching each other’s clothes and pinching any available skin, grunting when the blows landed. Several times the two men rolled dangerously close to the edge of the block and the road beyond, buzzing with cars that flashed past with hardly a glance for the angry men.
   She gasped and covered her mouth when the blond man punched the other’s nose so hard that it bled. She stood poised, a small island in the tide of pedestrians, wondering whether she should try to stop them. No, she would only get hurt herself, and she lacked the strength to force them apart. She wished that she had accepted her fiancé’s offer of an escort, but it was too late now. She winced as the older man landed a blow that made the other groan in pain. Why were the other pedestrians walking along so calmly, with scarcely a second look for the two fighters?
   Coming quickly to a decision, she tugged at the sleeve of a passing man who seemed to be in less of a hurry than the rest.
“Excuse me sir, but do you think you could stop them?”
He stopped and looked down at her.
“Stop whom?”
She gestured impatiently at the two bruised and battered men, who were still fighting single-mindedly.
“Them. It’s horrible the way they’re fighting like that.”
The man shook his head slowly.
“Miss, I don’t see anyone.”
She stared at him.
“What?”
“I don’t see anyone. There’s no one there. . .” He began to drift away, and she caught his arm desperately.
“But, sir, they’re right there, on that block! Right there, don’t you see them?”
He paused and looked again, then turned a curious glance on her.
“Miss. . .”
“Please, stop them. They’ll hurt each other.” She didn’t know why it was so important to her that the men be stopped. It was just that no one else seemed to care at all.
“Miss, there’s no one there. Only the old statue that’s been there for years.”
“I tell you, they’ll hurt. . .”
The men were gone.
On the same cement block, where seconds before two living beings had squirmed and gasped there was only the cold grey of a statue. Two statues, actually, their limbs intertwined as they strove to strike one another in a desperate fight to the death.
   She realized her mouth was open and closed it.
“Sorry, miss. . .” The man gently disentangled himself from her trembling hand and moved away, caught up instantly in the brisk mass of strangers. She ducked her way through the crowd to sit on the edge of the block. Looking at the two statues, she tried to see the two men again, but they were motionless. She brushed her fingers over the block, wondering if she’d gone crazy.
“There’s an old legend behind that statue.”
She looked up to see an old woman perched on the opposite corner of the block.
“It was there when this city was just a little town. Most people have forgotten about the tale, and what’s worse – they don’t care anymore.”
The woman gave her a wrinkled smile.
“You’re not the first to have . . . seen something, my dear.”
She started forward.
“You mean – it’s real? That is, it’s not just my imagination?”
The old woman just smiled.
“This statue has been sitting here since I was a little girl. No one cares about it, no one cares for it. I don’t suppose . . . if you have the time . . .”
She ducked her head to hear over the noise of the passers-by.
“You might help care for it.” One gnarled finger tapped the block next to her, and the old woman was gone.
   She stood and bent over the place the old woman had tapped. There was a worn plaque there, lying flat on the block, exposed to the elements. She brushed away the dead leaves and pine needles that covered it and saw that moss had been busy growing in every available crack and crevice of the plaque. Running one finger over each letter, she noticed that they were in various stages of care. The first few had once been carefully cleaned, but moss was beginning to grow in them again. The ones in the middle were free from growth but had been rained and snowed on for long enough that they were tarnished. Only the second to last letter was clean, untarnished and free from moss. Carefully, she picked out the moss from the final letter and rubbed away the dirt, ending several minutes later with a shiny, clean groove. Satisfied, she stood back and admired her handiwork. Every letter of the two words on the plaque was visible: THE FIGHTERS. She looked one last time at the first letter, almost full of moss; then suddenly smiled and stepped into the crowd once more. When the time was right, someone else would clean it.