Month: October 2020

No matter how hard you work or how big an army you raise, there will come a point when all is lost. Your army has forsaken you or been destroyed, your plans have been foiled, and only a few of your henchmen remain.
Impossibly, the situation is worse than it seems.
You are probably in a lair or fortress of your own, with the battle raging just outside. The most dangerous moment is yet to come. As soon as your defenses crumble, while the hero’s friends are dashing through your castle, slaying your minions, the hero’s mind will become focused on finding you.
You might be provoked enough to face him in hand-to-hand combat, but restrain yourself. That whippersnapper is skilled with a sword, you know, while you haven’t touched one in years.
So, run. Well, not literally. What we mean to say is that you should always, always have emergency transportation available (only for you, of course). This might be an escape pod, a beast that moves quickly or can fly, an underground train, a boat or submarine, or any other contraption that strikes your fancy.
(Note: You must either be able to direct your conveyance yourself or have a pilot constantly on duty.)
If you are especially short on time, you can lead the hero along by offering to fight him and pretending to retreat until you reach the room where your vehicle is kept. At the last moment, you can delay him with some tactic or with the help of your remaining henchmen in order to reach your emergency transportation and make good your escape.
We warn you, this Villain Tip can not be employed without careful planning and some expense. But trust us, it is well worth it be able to laugh sardonically no matter which way the battle goes.
As soon as you are sure that victory will not be yours – this time – you can hurry to escape in your emergency transportation to a safe place where you can come up with an even bigger plan . . . which will definitely include slaying the hero and his ridiculous followers.
Mwahahaha!

You’re feeling some stress. The hero and his army have walled you up in your fortress, partially defeated your forces, and possibly blocked your escape. Morale is low, and you’re worried – although you don’t show it, of course. There doesn’t seem to be an easy way out. You have already employed Villain Tips: Escaping, but if you have enough time, there is another option.
First, you need a select group of loyal minions. Use all your resources and send out this group; you may need to pretend to attempt a break-out. Once free, this group can travel rapidly and secretly to the hero’s hometown, where his love interest will likely be. (Even if this is not the case, her location should be easy to pinpoint.)
We can almost guarantee that the hero will not have provided any protection for her other than warning her to stay safely hidden. Capturing her should be easy for your trained guards.
In contrast to our usual advice, we don’t suggest you kill her immediately. If you do this, the hero will be overcome with rage and find enough power to win once and for all. You do not want the hero to reach this state. Instead, bring the love interest back to your fortress and use her as a bargaining device. Even if the best friend and the other leaders wish to stand firm, the hero will persuade them to back off and meet your wishes. You can then escape or plan another battle, depending on your position.
Happy bargaining!

We get it, it’s fun to toy with the hero, especially when you’ve maneuvered your army just right and taken advantage of his mistakes to capture him.
Enjoy yourself, but be careful. Whenever you’re not playing with the hero, keep him locked up securely. Keep his strength down, and most certainly don’t let his friends anywhere near him.
You can expect that he’ll play dirty. Most likely he’ll spit defiance at you when you visit him in his cell, and you can be sure that he’ll claim that his friends will rescue him. (Ideally, you’ll be able to say that you’ve captured them, too, but that’s another tip. . .)
When you’ve finally gotten bored of him, kill him.
Now, don’t try to be fancy here. Don’t travel anywhere, don’t have him fight your best guards or even your biggest dragon. And definitely don’t throw him into the pit with the human-eating monster. However impossible it seems, he will survive.
Our best advice to you is to kill him inside your fortress. In fact, don’t even take him out of his cell.
As for the actual execution – do it fast. We know it’s fun to torture him with a long, drawn-out ceremony, but the more time he has, the more likely he is to escape. Do something certain. Poisoned knives work well, if the poison works quickly. It’s safer to use a traditional sword or axe, though.
(Note: Don’t bring in an executioner from outside. Give the job to your most loyal guard, and even then, fill the nearest rooms and corridors with more guards. Better safe than sorry.)
Also, keep him chained. There is absolutely no reason to let him loose for his execution. Neither hands nor feet should be free. A gag would add a further measure of safety.
Finally, DO NOT GRANT ANY LAST WISHES.
We cannot stress this enough. No matter how harmless the request seems, it must be denied. Don’t get soft and sympathetic. Harden your heart for this.
This is your big moment, and you can’t let anything get in the way.

You’re focused. You’re powerful. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be a villain. Still, one thing threatens your power – something that shouldn’t be underestimated.
The hero.
You might be tempted to dismiss him and his puny group of friends, but beware: in the height of your power, when everything is finally going your way, he will strike.
When all seems lost for heroes, they like to attack you where you’re most vulnerable. Often, this will be your past. Maybe there is something shameful, or sad, or even something good that you’ve covered up as well as you can. Whatever it is, don’t bother trying to hide it from the hero.
You can be sure that he will discover it, one way or another. The only thing you can do is be prepared.
First off, make sure that your henchmen either already know about your past or don’t care. There’s nothing worse than having your army turn against you. Take especial care with your toady, who is most able to betray you.
Next, you might consider a trick we’ve found to be useful: patronize. Patronize the hero until he realizes that he is ridiculously young and now utterly defeated. (They’re always young.) Just be careful not to underestimate him.
When he comes out with your desperate past, giving you the option of reforming, try saying something like this:
“I see you’ve done your research. Well done, but not good enough. I think you’ll be interested to hear that. . .”
The more calm and composed you sound, the more frantic he’ll get.
It’s fun.
Finally, use his own plan on him. When he starts talking about the family that abandoned you, turn the tables and reveal parts of his past that even he doesn’t know. Quite possibly he will be so overcome by emotion that you will have time to employ some other Villain Tips.
Good luck!